Our Last Night Together

I lay on the hospital bed in doubt about whether or not I would see the next day. I tried my best to keep the feelings going through me as mellow and positive as I could but in this moment and with the pangs of pain I could still feel, I lost all my free will to think positive.

Bringing my eyes up now to deeply survey where I was, Mum had her head pressed against my arms sobbing lightly but I could tell it had been for a while since that side of the bed was now a little damp. Dad on the other hand was strung up by the wall looking down on me with eyes I would bet I had never seen before.

Who would have believed that these two people who in the last 5 years had refused to speak civilly to one another could ever be caught only miles away from each other without any altercation?

"Sophia...'' I heard amidst all my thoughts and jerked back into reality. "You're awake, hope you're feeling better now?" Mum asked again. Finally, she had caught up on my eyes wandering through the room and wanted a piece of that attention herself. I let out a reassuring smile to her and myself as well.

"What will you eat?" Dad's question came soon after. "Your mum brought the whole kitchen here as always, you know she never listens." Mum got defensive towards the "bad joke" as I expected and I perceived another brewing altercation right there in the ward, but I believe she wanted to make me feel better so she tried hard not to push at it and so we awkwardly laughed it off.

They angrily explained to me and more of it came from Dad, how the principal called them in after I "developed" some complications at the cafeteria during lunchtime and due to food poisoning.

He shouted even more angrily, threatening fire and hell on the school due to their carelessness to warrant such happening as Mum seconded him, and through all that was being said, all I could imagine was how the phone call would have been and the ride to the hospital. If my Dad had screamed at the thought that I could have such an allergic food reaction out of the blue or maybe that would just be Mum. She would be in turmoil and blame a part of herself having made my meals religiously for the past 15 years and only finding out now that kidney beans which she cooked twice a week for her beloved daughter was the culprit threatening to snatch her away.

I smiled at the picture I was creating in my head of the three of us hearing them worry so much about me as I didn't know what to expect since we were always so distant.

Even in this happiness, I wondered why I couldn't recall any fond memories we seem to have had in the past anymore. I knew they were there because I lived through them or rather I hope I did, if not it would mean that a major part of my life had been a lie. The only memories that could be accounted for were the screams and arguments every day as I arrived home from school in the evening after lessons and immediately headed straight to my room. I never came out. Not anymore.

Dining at the table was only possible if one was not in the room, if not I would have the whole place to myself and more flying over my head while I ate. The outings too. Oh, how could I forget? What used to be a tradition every weekend was a blur as though it never happened except on Sundays. Those remained the same. How they still wore matching outfits dancing to the altar for thanksgiving and reunions they knew for sure they didn’t want. l had suddenly taken on the role of Kambili and was living out my own little purple hibiscus story against my will.

These people were strangers who forced me to live under the same roof with them by birth who have refused to acknowledge their differences or do anything about it all together and I was somehow now caught up in the middle.

Mum blamed me for the beatings she received as they became unbearable for her anytime Dad came home drunk and reminded her of her decision to have me so young. She fumed at me for not doing or saying anything in her defense when Dad was that way at least in appreciation for not having me aborted when she could and how her life would have been so much better. To Dad, I was the mistake that was produced from a loveless marriage. A hindrance to the dreams he had hoped for while he was younger. He never remembers him saying these things to me when the alcohol wears off the next day but I did. Every single word.

Without siblings or friends to talk to since I wanted to keep the dirty secret about my family's sad life within, my only solace lay in praying the next encounter wouldn't be as bad as the last or at least I would ace my final exams and get into any University kilometers away from home and never have to come back again.

I brought myself back into the reality in front of me I could still hear them deliberating on what their first line of action towards the school should be. The doctor came in just at the right time to bring some normalcy to the growing tension in the room. He proceeded to speak to my parents about my current state as I sat upright. He went over some routine checks with me and prescribed some drugs I would need to facilitate my discharge for that evening since thankfully I hadn't gotten struck so hard by the reaction. We all thanked him and when he left everyone was now eased and comfortable. I could now spend some time with my family — like it always was supposed to have been. We smiled and laughed and I missed this part of us so much. They apologized about the past few years and how toxic the home had been agreeing to now finally put everything behind us. Within a couple of hours, we had dug through all the meals mum brought and even Dad too was visibly happy. I had gotten my parents back and I couldn't be happier about how amazing things were going.

At least the good thing was that they didn’t know that I had been eating raw kidney beans for the past few days to induce my supposed "food poisoning". They didn’t know how hard the first few bites were to get down and how I gulped a jug of water to help push down the aftertaste. They didn’t know it was already too late for us to be a family. But how could they?

Their words had already eaten too deep into me from an early age and seeing their happy smiles, unaware of all the pains they had caused me made me hate them even more. For years, with the first time being on my birthday when I clocked 12, I cursed myself for being born to be hated. I did everything I could to appeal to them and get my family back when I was well and hearty but could only get results when I wagered my life instead.

One more look around the room at the radiating happiness from Mr. and Mrs. Sam Peters made my want for revenge burn all the more. The supposed love I now discovered they have lingered for me would demand I take from them my pound of flesh. I let out another smile at them this time while only thinking about finally getting home the leftover kidney beans I kept tucked in my school skirt at home together which I was convinced would be perfect dose i would need and a written note to my dear parents explaining how this was the perfect way to spend our last night together. I needed them scarred for life the way they made me tear up each night and if it meant I was the token to be given up. So be it.

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